Confessions of a Call Girl (Part 3)

XIII

This whole experience in customer service has truly changed me as a person. I happened to be some kind of small-town girl, naïve and full of trust in people. I wouldn’t say I am the perfect misanthropist now; however, a strong gust of wind got hold of my rose-tinted glasses, blew them into the Thames and carried them away to the sea.

A call centre is a psychologically highly interesting terrarium, particularly with regards to communication. Remembering my psychology classes back in high school, I would love to examine the conversations in detail, but I’d probably be looking at a doctor thesis. Therefore, I’ll keep my psychological observations to a minimum.

Not everyone is blessed with the gift of communication. Some of us might learn how to talk to each other in a respectful way later on in their lives, but many simply don’t because it’s natural to imitate our parents. I guess it’s good to have a communication strategy when you are in business – you can try and manipulate people in order to make them buy stuff. Similarly, customer service advisors of good call centres are trained in how to handle certain situations and difficult customers to keep the company’s good reputation. A lot of it is just common sense but most of it can be learnt with time. Soon you’ll be able to tell from a customer’s tone and voice where the conversation is going from the very start.

There are some pretty interesting psychological factors customers are confronted with when they call a help line:

• They are irritated by a company that promised them something, but their hopes haven’t been fulfilled. The only way to release gathered emotions is through dialling a number (that often costs a fortune), waiting in a queue and talking to a person they don’t know.
• They want to be helped but at the same time, they need to get rid of their anger, ready to blow up once they get this idiot on the phone who doesn’t understand them at all.
• It’s easy for customers to get loud or annoyed on the phone as they don’t have to meet the other person’s eyes. They overcome their inhibitions because they have to deal with this advisor once and never again (they regard the person on the other line as some kind of robot anyway).

Speaking from the point of view of a CS advisor, I tried to help customers as much as I could but often the company’s policies didn’t allow me to do my job properly. 80 per cent of horrific scenarios could be easily avoided if upper management spared a thought for the people who are actually in touch with the customers. But instead of killing the beast before it’s born, they just give you difficult customer call training. Hurray! Thank you, this will definitely make my life easier!

The amount of times I’ve tried to calm down customers whose SIM cards expired (if it was not used for six months) is plainly ridiculous! The problem is, I did understand those customers. Of course you are pissed off if your money on these expired SIM cards is lost forever (we’re sometimes talking about hundreds of pounds and there were rare occasions when we were allowed to return the money). And obviously you will try and get it back – let me point out three different approaches:

1. The I-Will-Call-My-Lawyer guy: “So you’re telling me that my SIM card with 300 pounds on it is not working any longer and I will lose my money? This is not acceptable. I will call my lawyer if you don’t reactivate the SIM card immediately. I don’t care about terms and conditions, it is not legal to do that and you know that!”
2. The I-Swear-Because-I-Don’t-Know-Better guy: “Are you f****** kidding me? This company is complete bullshit and I’ve only had troubles with you bastards, from the very beginning! I want my money back now!!!”
3. The I-Think-You-Are-A-Loser guy: “Can you please forward me to someone who is more competent than you? I want to speak to your manager and then we’ll see if I get my 10 pounds back!"

You are asking me which one of them is the easiest to deal with? I guess number two – these are the customers who will, after a tirade of cursing and yelling (whilst you’re holding your headphones away from your ear) eventually hang up on you. Number one and three are not as easy to get rid off. The I-Will-Call-My-Lawyer guy will continue to threaten you for a while and then go on the same trip as the I-Think-You-Are-A-Loser guy - that is - demanding to speak to your supervisor (which will not help them either). They are the ones who will inevitably hurt your feelings or irritate you, no matter how much you keep telling yourself that it's not your fault. And the worst thing is: you can neither escape them nor even raise your voice. Stay friendly until the niceties have been sucked out of you forever. Take in whatever they throw at you. Serve the customer, always.

It’s not only about expired SIM cards. There are so many situations where a simple mistake of a reseller would lead to the customer accusing us of being the biggest fraudsters they’ve ever seen. I admit that I took it too personally at the beginning but as I was working full time I wanted to make myself useful and do a good job. In Part 2, I mentioned that there are people who appreciate this but many will not even listen to your offer of support. It was sometimes very depressing to see what kind of people inhabit this world; how in 2014 we still haven’t learned how to communicate in a more respectful and efficient way and solve problems accordingly. 

I am tired. A friend of mine has expressed what we were doing in the only correct way: We sold our souls to the devil for only £8.30 an hour. I think I wouldn’t have done this back in Vienna but London is so alluring and overwhelming that I wanted to be part of the bigger game. And still – I don’t regret a second of it. Meeting people who share my thoughts and ideas and who are on the same windy path from rags to riches was the best that could have happened to me. Like a snake I’ve peeled off my first skin and eventually grown up to face whatever might come in the future. 

It was about time.

P.S.: If you've found yourself in one of my descriptions, think of me next time you call a hotline and be merciful to whoever responds.