XVII
“The moment you doubt whether you can fly,
you
cease for ever to be able to do it.”
J.M.Barrie: "Peter Pan"
***
When I was about nine years old, I promised myself that I
would never grow up. I decided to have short hair like a boy and whenever I
could, my brother and I would dive into the world of make-believe.
‘Hook, you’ll never defeat Peter Pan!’
‘Watch out little boy! Tonight I’ll catch you and have you
jump off the plank!’
‘Haha, you make me laugh! I’ll fly away beforehand!’
We had a swing in our back garden, but it wasn't an ordinary
swing. I strongly believed that, if I swung really fast and jumped when I
reached the highest point, I would be catapulted into the air and could defy
gravity. At that time, flying like Peter Pan was my ultimate goal. And through
my imagination, everything was possible.
Even though I have given up waiting for the boy who would
never grow up to knock on my window at night (maybe he just didn’t know my tiny
village), I have refused to believe in leaving childhood behind for good. OK,
perhaps there was a short period in my life where I pretended to be an adult.
Adolescence is such a creepy time. Your body changes - the hormones are all
over the place - you try to become more independent AND think for yourself at
the same time. I can see no reason why teenagers wouldn't go absolutely mental.
When time and age put everything back in order, I suddenly
realised that I was just about to graduate from school and enter university. Oh
dear. Was this where the fun was going to end? As shocking as it sounded at the
beginning, being a student sometimes actually felt like an extension of
childhood. It gave me more freedom than I'd ever had at school and simply was a
lavish celebration of youth.
It
felt like being one of the Lost Boys and
Girls: I lived in a
flat away from my parents and was therefore in charge of everything without my
parents interfering. I could party as often and as long as I
wanted wherever I wanted to; I could choose the people I wanted to hang around with because
they had similar interests and study the subjects I enjoyed. Life
was a playground, a Neverland with the bonus of getting to do
grown-up things (ooooh!) I’m not referring to Michael Jackson’s Neverland here,
by the way. Just to be clear.
And then, my personal Neverland collapsed in itself. It virtually imploded.
Captain Hook had finally caught me, tied me up and sent me wandering over the
plank, and I hadn’t even realised until then.
‘Got ya!’ Hook shouted and laughed his evil, hysterical laugh.
‘What do you mean?’ I replied, baffled. I tried to get rid of
the rope around my hands, but it was way too tight.
‘I tell you what it means’, Hook smirked. ‘You are going to
jump into the sea right in front of you. Send my love to the crocodile!’
There was only one chance to get out of this situation.
I just had to get this one good thought into my head and fly away.
Easy-peasy. You’d think.
I swear to you, I’ve never tried that hard. What was the
problem? Why were there so many doubts in my head? What had happened?
One of Hook’s stooges pushed me so that I moved closer to the
edge of the plank. It was getting serious now.
‘Well, you’re not so clever now, Pan, are you?’ Hook shouted.
‘You’ve grown up now, haven’t you? Can’t fly away any more?’
Only then, I saw my reflection in the water beneath me. My
face appeared to me droopy and sad, desperate and bored – I looked like one of
those grown-ups I had feared to become when I had been a kid.
No, it can’t be true, I told myself. There must be a way out
of it. I had come off my plan a little bit but surely, this didn’t mean I was
completely lost and bound to die!? Even worse - the pirates started to shout:
‘Jump! Jump! Jump!’
Just when I thought there was no hope left, I heard a sound:
it was as if thousand tiny bells were ringing. Astonished, I searched for the
cause and there, at the end of the plank, I saw it: a wee pretty fairy was
gaping over the edge, winking at me and waving.
And then I had a r-r-revelation which made the ‘r’ roll
smoothly over my tongue: I was able to see the fairies which meant that I had
not lost my imagination which meant that I could still choose if I wanted to
grow up or not. A smile crept across my lips and spread all over my face,
wiping out the wrinkles of boredom, despair and sadness.
Quickly, I turned around to face Hook. His confident smirk
slowly turned into a frown.
‘Why are you grinning like that?’ he barked.
‘I’ll see you on the other side!’ I laughed and made one step
backwards. The pirates’ eyes seemed to come out of their holes when I fell off
the plank.
Only for a second, though, because my good thought kept me
floating safely in the air: one moment, I was hovering over the hungry
crocodile’s open jaws; the next, I cut the rope, which tied my hands, with the
animal’s sharp teeth; and then, all of a sudden, I was up over the boat,
circling the dumbstruck pirates and cawing proudly.
Pan was not dead!
***
I have finally found a way of staying young at heart. Working
for a publisher of children’s and young adult’s books for the past few months
has been a real eye-opener. Making sure that talented authors spur young
people’s imagination with their vivid and colourful tales is what I’ve always
been looking for in a job. Inspiration is floating around in the office and I
don't feel like the only enthusiast anymore. Also, I am finally writing my own
stories again which makes my heart burst with joy.
I'm proud to say that there’s still a child inside me and I
hope you can say the same about yourself. We should all try and prevent the
sickness called “How-to-become-the-perfect-adult” from infesting us. Let it not
kill everything in you that is innocent, fun and curious, or in other words,
childish.
So, laugh and enjoy your life.
Have a good thought (maybe about the upcoming Christmas?)
Spread
your arms and fly.
And
send my love to the crocodile!
